A Realisation

 I think that behind it all, it's something that I've always had. That little urge to dance and sing along, that want to say "I'm proud of my work", that secret competitiveness. But the thing is, that it's only now that I'm beginning to let little beams of light slip through, that I'm beginning to have something resembling confidence. No doubt I'm terrified. I still think my social skills are rather lacking and yet right now I need so deeply to let my words, my questions lead the way and while I may be perfectly eloquent in writing, the opposite is the case in speech and yet I'm dependent on these words. These words will break barriers. These push myself forward moments, these "I want to sing with you", these "I can't dance but I can sure try" mutterings which mean so much and so little are some sort of part of my character that deserve to be unlocked, that while in custody inhibit my happiness, my freedom. I want to do what I feel a pull in my heart to do.