Saturday, 3 October 2015

Friendship Thoughts

A lot has happened since then. It's funny to think back to uncertainty which dissolved into calm, and certainty which came hurtling back to say "I'm not so sure anymore." Sometimes, you lose friends, best friends. Friends whom you loved and then let go. We lied to ourselves back then, and we might still be lying now. I think though, that I understand it all a little better, the bit where you can't go from loving a person so deeply to just saying a humble hello in passing. You can't demote a person from something special to someone you can only bring yourself to exchange pleasantries with. The amount of history between you is not the problem, but rather that everything you held together has shattered and left you splintered and torn. The pieces you salvage aren't the right ones, they aren't the "hello" ones. You've been lost, lost at sea, repaired and yet one thought back to what went right and wrong has placed you there. You almost want to swim back to shore to find a working telephone and call them, just to see how they are, hello. But you don't want an answer. You want the call to slide straight into voicemail. You want to fix it all, but you can't, it might be fatal. To do so you may end up changing yourself, or worse, them. It's all just some misguided yearning. But you must wonder, do they still care? If you spoke would they want you back or hate you? You hope to cross paths. You have you end up having to speak, a life or death situation to bring you both back to dry land, but who knows whether that day will ever come?

1 comment

  1. yes. everything. been going through this same thing. it's so very difficult.

    xx, rn


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