thoughts on being nineteen

Yesterday, I turned nineteen, and it just doesn't feel like a year since I turned eighteen. I felt so nervous about being an adult, I didn't want that year to begin because I had a horrendous torrent of State Exams to come. And to be honest, it definitely was not the best year of my life. Much of the year, especially the second half, was taken up by either studying or feeling guilty about not studying. It was tiring, emotionally draining, and tore me away from casual enjoyment of life. That sounds quite intense and melodramatic, but really, by the end of it, I had barely spoken to my friends in a weeks, and hadn't spent any time with my wider family.

I also made some pretty stupid mistakes in my first year of adulthood. I got sunburned twice, and felt guilty about it each time. Now I'm tanned and have new freckles on my face. I never really had freckles on my forehead before, so it's definitely taking some getting used to. I think I was under confident a lot of the time too, too afraid to ask for what I really want, and too afraid to show my 'true colours'. I think there are a lot of things I could have done better, but I don't suppose there's any use in dwelling on them.

Even though I don't have the results of my exams yet, I do feel proud of how I handled them, and how dedicated I was to my studies. I think that I had to grow up a bit this year, because of the commitment, and definitely feel far from defeated or sore now. I know that in that area, I tried my best, and am very happy with that.

I had some great opportunities, too, to do some really great things. I went on holidays with my best friend (twice), have been growing an instagram account for my dog. I got to do what I've always dreamed of in my internet career- I got sent things to review and promote, one on my instagram, and the other on my blog. That was a lot of fun, and again, something to be proud of. Hard work pays off!

I also became incredibly comfortable with my group of friends, which has diversified over the years. I feel sad now, to have graduated. I won't miss secondary school- I'm glad that I won't have to go back to a place that holds very strong good and bad memories. However, many of my friends now live in different countries across the world, and will do for college too. I'll miss having the security of the school walls, and the great friends I made there.

As I'm sure you can gather, I'm not sorry to be saying goodbye to this year. I can't deny that I had some amazing, fun times, but it's nice to leave this chapter as is.

So, in terms of this year, I will be starting college this autumn. I'm excited and nervous about it. I can't wait to study subjects which I love, forgetting about maths which I am hopeless at. I'll make new friends, I'll experience endless new things. My life looks like it's going to change a lot this coming year, which I'm sure I'll discuss with you a lot more as all those changes come over the next few months.

So, here we go.

Do you have any advice for a nineteen year old? Or any birthdays coming up yourselves?

Anna x

also- please follow me on my personal instagram! I've only made it recently, so would love to find some new people to follow! x