Tuesday, 19 September 2017

should you reinvent yourself?

I've been at a slight loss for words lately, kept busy by new circumstances. I spent over an hour writing my college timetable into my moleskine in the hopes that I'll bring that thing with me everywhere in the autumn. I've been on the website of my university, day after day, seeking information about buildings and people and societies. I hoovered my room late last night, and have a whole list of surfaces I want to clean today so that I can feel fresh.

I've been listening to "Just the Two of Us" by Grover Washington on repeat. I don't really know why, because it has no relevance to my life, but I've been enjoying it, and any time that it's not on Spotify, it's in my head, so I choose to listen to it properly. All the while I've been thinking about fresh starts, like the one I'm soon going to be making. We hear it a lot, it's got to be said, "college is the perfect time to reinvent yourself". And I was listening to that on repeat too, but I've started to realise that I don't really want to reinvent myself.

I don't want to be someone else, or someone new.

I want to be the person that I am inside, that only my closest friends get to see, that only my family knows. I don't want to change really, only in confidence.

I think I'm learning more about myself as I go along. I kind of sort of know what types of clothes I like to wear, the ones that make me feel pretty and comfortable. I have a vague sense of what my better qualities are, and of the worse ones that I need to work on. I'm learning all the time how to like myself better, and realising that most of my fear of being judged or disliked is me talking, and not anyone else. I've got to admit it too; all of the kind comments you leave on this blog help me to know these things.

So, as I sit here in my dressing gown and think about what outfit I want to wear, and what items I should bring with me, I want to remind you too, that the only person you should want to change for is yourself, because there are so many little things about you that those around you love, but never say. You have the right to love yourself as unconditionally as a parent loves their child. Forgiving yourself is important, loving yourself is essential.

love,
anna

p.s. i've opened a shop on redbubble, so if you'd ever like to support me in my now struggling college student life, please do take a look!

16 comments

  1. I really needed to hear something like this, thanks for sharing.

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  2. thank you skye, I hope you're well xx

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  3. I love this so much! I believe we should always be who we are but the very best versions of us.Getting to know yourself, your flaws and quirks and the rest is so important and I always try to remind myself of this. Glad you're getting to know yourself better too, isn't it liberating? :)
    Coco Bella Blog

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  4. Thank you! Getting to know yourself better is very liberating indeed- and it feels kind of comforting too somehow. <3

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  5. Yes I love this! Instead of reinventing ourselves, we should work on becoming more confident of who we already are.

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  6. Great thoughts ... I get stuck in this place of trying to be what I think people will like/need instead of just who I am. This is a great reminder!

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  7. THIS! I've just started uni and so many people are entering into that ohh it's time for me to reinvent myself mindset and I'm just like noo, I want to be (well perhaps a more knowledgeable version!)

    Loved reading this!

    Anne / www.basifpa-and-did.co.uk

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  8. Yay! Enjoy your first semester!

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  9. I'm in the last sem of college and before graduating, I've been thinking to change myself for the new better adult me but after reading this, maybe, I should take a step back and re-think 'Why I want to change' at the first place.

    Great post as always, Anna!

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  10. This was such a nice read! AND I CAN RELATE SO MUCH WITH JUST THE TWO OF US. I took about two months of having this song on repeat last year. It's somehow a very comfortable song to listen to. Thanks for sharing xx

    Stella
    https://onegirlblogger.blogspot.com/

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  11. Yes, I totally agree with this. I hate the phrase 'reinventing yourself' because I think everyone has their flaws and quirks, but they are what make you YOU. Sure, you can work on being the best person you can be, but I think 'reinventing' yourself is a waste of time. You can't force yourself to be different, or at least that's what I've found. Embrace your individuality!

    Olivia - The Northernist x

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  12. Oh cool! I'm glad you can relate. xx

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  13. Thank you so much for your commenting, I really like the way you phrased it. xx

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  14. I hope you arrive at conclusions that suit you :)

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  15. Thank you, I hope it was helpful to you xx

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Thank you for your words x

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