Friday, 7 September 2018

Growing Up is Weird

The minute you're in a bar and they don't ask you for ID is weird. It's weird when it's just a spur of the moment thing, you've just been to the cinema and you've no makeup on and your t-shirt's too big and you're tired after a day of walking. But your friends suggest you go for a quick drink. It's weird when your curfew isn't 6pm, nor 7 nor 8. It's weird when you watch the sunset from a bar stool. It's weird when it's not a big deal anymore, even though it kind of still is.

There comes a time where all of these things seem to happen at once. A weird freedom that you always anticipated but never knew you'd have. I'm not someone who particularly enjoys going out, my friends will attest to the fact that I rarely do, although they might wish otherwise.

I think you spend your whole life learning more about yourself, and sometimes all you learn is that you were right all along. 13 year old me said she hated the idea of nightclubs (even when all that was was a room full of sweaty preteens and a 10pm ending) and when 15 year old me went to her first one, she didn't like it too much either. Then when 18 year old me got a chance to try it in the real world, it still wasn't her cup of tea. At this point, it's something I feel I have to do at least a few times a year. Good things come of it as well as awkward experiences and too much money spent on one mediocre evening (sorry!). I sometimes wonder whether I'll ever get used to the whole being out late in noisy rooms. Probably not.

People's expectations change with age and stage. And that is so natural. The sorts of things I'm into, the sort of evenings I enjoy are so different to the things I enjoyed 10 years ago. Mostly anyway, if you ignore going to the cinema or watching a film at home. I know a lot of us laugh at our inner grandmother, mine likes bars when there's no one in them apart my friends. My inner grandmother would still probably prefer being in bed, but will reluctantly and then gleefully perform her best/worst dance moves when the time is right. But our inner grandmother isn't the only thing we should get over and embrace. It's cool to like what you like. It's cool to go against the crowd when you're just not feeling it, just as it's cool to participate when you feel you can. So long as you are respectful of others, people are a lot more likely to be respectful of you and your wishes. I digress.

I enjoy nights out when I know when I get to go home. only an hour left, enjoy it while you can. I enjoy myself when I feel like no one else will bother us. please don't approach me, stranger. I enjoy myself even when the music's bad and too loud and my feet hurt and I'm hating the money I'm spending when I know I've made other people happy with my presence.

It turns out the whole figuring yourself out thing outlasts your adolescence. Growing up is weird. I like it, though.


p.s. The giveaway winner has been chosen and I've passed their details on to Caseapp! Congratulations Julien U!

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