Tuesday, 1 January 2019

2018 Reflection and 2019 Goals

Last year I wrote a post like this where I went through the past and present, and thought it would be fun to do it again, especially seeing as I rarely do blog series! I think that I went into that post last year feeling completely different to how I do now. 2017 was so different to 2018, in ways that I could never have predicted which is both comforting and mildly frightening for the year ahead as it has made me realise just how impossible it is to have certain expectations for oneself and life in general.

I honestly find it so difficult to begin to summarise my year. I don't know where to start or where to end. It was a year of such mixed feelings and different experiences -both good and bad- that to do it chronologically sounds like it would be way too messy and confusing. This year was maybe a year of extremes. I don't feel the need to go into much detail but I had some of the most dismal hours of loss and anxiety. Alongside all of that, I also had some of the best days and weeks of my life. This year is the year I solidified some really lovely friendships that I'd made last year, spent the summer doing so many things that both challenged me and helped me to grow as a person. I got to travel a lot which was really amazing and eye-opening. When I say I had the best month of my life in August, I am neither exaggerating nor gloating. I never knew how happy I could feel until mid-August where I found myself living a life where I felt so free to be myself and free to explore and just learn and enjoy myself. I am totally lining up blog posts about the month that I hope you'll enjoy over the coming weeks because just thinking about it all brings me a calm feeling that sometimes feels hard to find. Looking back at good and bad, I feel like in many ways I've never lived so intensely before in my life

The past few weeks have gone by weirdly quickly. I'm already half way through my second year at university and this academic year feels so different to the last. I feel way more secure in what I'm doing. I feel I at least semi know what's expected of me in a college essay or exam and I've met a lot of people that I like and that have been really nice to be around. Campus as well is by no means foreign to me anymore. I actually feel like a student, probably helped by the fact that I got more into college/society life this year and am honestly really proud of myself for trying and succeeding to stick at my commitments so far! Still, I'm glad of the Christmas holidays because it was the most exhausting semester yet and going back to college is not something I want to have to think about for at least another few days.

In 2018 I turned 20 and learned a lot about myself. Probably the most important thing I learned is that I still have so much to learn, something which is very intimidating. I wished that I could just fix everything and understand everything, and coming to terms with the fact that it takes time to grow was one of the bigger challenges I had to face, and am still trying to be chill with.

In terms of my goals from last year, which you can read in this post, I'm not really sure I can say I achieved them. I did almost nothing about starting to learn how to drive. I looked at a little bit of theory but nothing worth talking about. I definitely did not post a new blog post every week, though I am pleased with the 33 (I think!) that I did manage to get out, because that is a lot more than I'd been averaging beforehand. I ate both better and worse, definitely did not exercise twice a week, both gained and lost self-confidence... It's really hard to measure these things! I almost used up a body lotion. I guess the one thing I can say for sure is that I managed to save up my goal amount of money which really helped me on my trip to Germany!

Despite the overall lack of success with last year's goals, I still want to write a few for 2019:

1. Learn how to go with the flow more
2. Read more non-fiction books
3. Spend more time with friends
4. Work on overall health (physical + mental in particular)
5. Set more ambitions and strive towards them

That last one might sound a little weird, but it's easier for me to tell myself not to bother with things lest I fail, but I want to encourage and challenge myself to go for things! My month in Germany was literally a result of me putting my neck out there and being "lucky" enough that it worked out. I want to help myself have more experiences like that, but I know those will only come if I put myself out there more and work towards such goals.

So, here we go. Hello 2019.

Do you have any goals + reflections?

Anna xx

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