how i feel about leaving certificate results 2017

I'm sitting on my bed, staring at a pile of notes that have been on my bedroom floor since I finished my last exam six or seven weeks ago. I wasn't sure whether I'd recycle or cremate them, but it's been so long now that I don't know whether I want to do away with them at all. In a box on my desk, I have Irish and German flashcards. I still remember what most of them mean - it hasn't been that long - but still I feel strangely about parting with them. Essentially, I liked most of my subjects and don't want to forget all that I learned, or really stop learning them.

I was so terrified to open my results on Wednesday. I'd been anticipating the moment for the entire two years of the leaving cert course, getting particularly anxious in the week leading up to the event. I kept coming up with ideas of how terribly it would go. I dreamed that I had barely passed ordinary level maths, and got low grades in all the subjects I liked. In a way that helped because I knew that it would never be quite as bad as that.

Nevertheless, the morning came and we all strolled up to the school to collect my brown envelope. I wanted to open it away from my family, just so that I could know first, and open it as slowly as I wanted.  I was more relieved than anything to see that I had gotten good grades, top grades in some cases. I couldn't say I was happy with my results, but it was too soon. All of my months of hard work and, as the exams came closer, no play, had just been summed up for me in one single number. It felt kind of underwhelming, like I wanted more than a number, (the numbers in the new system range from 1-8, no more As and Bs), maybe a letter grade or a percentage or "very good".

I took out my CAO points calculator and inputted my grades. The grades are secondary to the points which gave me a rough idea of whether I'd be getting into my first choice for university. In Ireland, most college courses want you to get a number of points, but it changes every year because it's based on supply and demand rather than suitability for the programme. Which is stupid, if I'm honest, because you can get higher grades in English, Irish and Home Ec and still go on to study maths if all you got was 50% depending on your chosen university. I got points which should enable me to do my chosen course, but I'll find out tomorrow at 6a.m. when the offers come out. wish me luck.

I brought my results and calculator back to my parents, who were waiting for me a few meters away. I burst into tears once I'd shown them, prompting my dad to exclaim "don't cry! people will think you've done badly!" but I couldn't stop yet. Relief really is the only word that fits. I mean, I got really good grades, but I still have a hard time convincing myself of that.

Only 1.2% of everyone in the country who sat the art leaving cert got the top grade, a H1 (formerly A1, >90%). A lot of people in my class were disappointed not to have achieved a higher grade, which I totally understand because I was surrounded by girls whose talents I was envious of, and who put in long stressful hours at all points throughout the year. I didn't expect to get the top grade, seeing as so few people get them, so I wasn't surprised not to. However I must admit that it still bothers me that some people were robbed of higher grades due to the examiners' standards being too high.  It's like they expect us all to be artists whose work is saleable rather than students who have been studying art at a non-professional level.

Perhaps the problem is the change in the grading system. The fact that they've changed it makes any 2s (80-89%) seem like they're worth less than previously A2s or B1s. An A2 being 85-89%. Making the grades purely numbers based makes the grading feel more harsh to me, a strong feeling of "second best" rather than "a slightly lower grade".

Anyway, not long now. It's 18 hours until I'm sure of my fate, and I think everything will feel a lot better then. I tend to my hard on myself anyway, and coming from a family of smarties and a friend circle full of amazing intelligent girls probably doesn't help. I know a lot of people are proud of me, and I should be too. I'm both under and over-whelmed it seems!

Thank you so much for reading, I owe you the usual bloggers apology for being MIA for a few days.

Anna x

maybe love

As I walk down the street,
Alone this time,
I take in every road sign,
Every shopfront, 
Every curb and crossing.
I pause to peer into empty cafés
And look at vacant bar stools.

I picture you sitting in every spot,
Reclining on the couch in the doctor's waiting room,
Flicking through an old magazine,
Waiting for the green light,
Walking through revolving doors at the old hotel.
Because I'm worried that you'll be my reality
And I have to make sure you fit.

Anna O

taken on an iphone 5s

Destination: Galway City

Galway, Galway, Galway. A delightful city in the west of Ireland. And it's so tiny, which is amazing and makes it perfect for a day trip! There is so much to do and see, but it's possible to squeeze it in to one day. The town centre is small, but there were so many street performers. Galway is a place that holds on dearly to its tradition of the Irish language and tradition. Almost all of the performers were playing trad music or Irish dancing. There are loads of pubs there in the traditional style. There are also loads of adorable shops, including an amazing toy shop that sold foreign made toys. So cute! Also, I adore all of the Irish sign posts. They have a prominence in Galway that often seems lacking in other parts of the country

The River Corrib runs through Galway City, and is apparently amongst the shortest in Europe. My traveling companion and I had an amazing stroll down along it. The water was moving so rapidly, and was remarkably clear. We even had the fortune of seeing a rainbow created by the spray and the gorgeous sun that was out that day- which I must add, is rare enough in the west. Seeing such a vibrant rainbow was magical!

We visited Galway Cathedral before lunch. I didn't want to take any photos there, it just didn't feel right to me. However, it is beautiful, so beautiful inside. It's huge (unsurprising) and has a very good mood about it. The organ in particular was very impressive to me, and I left the church with a fantastic sense of calm.

Lunch that day was spectacular. The veggie special on was Spaetzle! Dude! I adore Germany, and this particular dish is German. I have never seen it outside of Germany before, and so I had to try out the Irish version. I was not disappointed, rather, thrilled. My friend who'd never tried the dish before also had a very positive experience. I was sorry we didn't stay for desert, but we had much to do! Also, they had Irish made lemonade there, which was pricey but tasty. My sister was the one to recommend this restaurant to me, and now I'm recommending it to you. It's called Ard Bia at Nimmos, and is right beside the Spanish Arch.

Being the total nerds we are, we had to check out the NUI Galway campus. It was really lush and pretty, and we spent ages chatting away on the grass. It was a very peaceful spot, hard to imagine it full of students as it will very shortly be.

Our final destination was Salt Hill, a very picturesque beach area along the Atlantic Ocean. The views were spectacular, and the air so so fresh. We headed back into town and got some pub grub before heading home. It was a lovely day out, one which I would love to repeat.

Where's your favourite spot for a day trip?

a poem about why

In these words
I seek something I believe that they can never give to me,
But each time,
I feel a little bit better.
Not much.
But enough to keep me
Picking up my ageing pen
And writing to the god
Who told my hands to listen
To my head.

-

I just wanted to thank you all so so deeply much for the kindness you've shown to me in my recent literary posts. It delights me to know that you've all been appreciating them!

I want to get to know you a bit better, so please tell me a bit about yourselves in the comments below :)

Anna x